An academic post for you

This is what I posted for my last week of my first semester of grad school. I had to revisit a question I had made for myself at the beginning of the class.... 2) Will research and implementation of more effective drama teaching methods create a stronger drama program within my school? And if so, will the attitude and support within the school community improve if the program is strengthened by the drama teacher? Ahh.. revisiting this question right now at this point in the school year is frustrating because of certain recent events at work. As much as I want to take my Critical Links question and embrace it and make it my everyday teaching philosophy, I am very frustrated right now by what kind of feedback I have been getting from my school community. To briefly fill you in, I have been working the last few months on a small production with a large group of kids to perform one night next week in the school “Winterfest” program. Last week, a group of students “supervised” by a teacher in the building got onto the stage and took things for the play without asking, painted over things, broke things, took things, not belonging to them. My reaction was to reach out to the community asking for an explanation and explaining my boundaries and allowances for using drama club materials, and I was responded with basically a “we don’t care about your problems as the drama teacher” attitude. Completely discouraged by this response, I am pushing through the weeks until the performance next week trying to keep a positive attitude and remembering that this is for my students, not for me. It seems like my critical links question has sort of been answered. For the first time, I am doing major set construction, sound system/microphones, songs, hired a pianist, making costumes myself, have many people involved in the production. I am upping my drama teaching methods in order to meet the needs of my students- they are talented and deserve to put on a full scale play! However, the community seems to be responding with disregard for the work, not improving the community but rather further dividing it. I guess I have to take it upon myself to set this incident aside and say that it may take longer or it may take until AFTER the play goes up for the community to have more awareness and appreciation for me to notice. But for the time being, maybe I need to scale down my efforts to see a bigger impact. I have decided that for the future, I am not going to communicate with the staff about negative events, but rather just focus on the positive ones. I will also be more focused and specific with my projects to make sure that I don’t over-commit myself or over-stress myself on one project so that it discourages me from continuing my work. It has helped to delegate tasks to others, but it has also made it more of a high stakes performance to please all the people who have helped out. Hopefully, once I take these reflections and incorporate them into my attitude, methods and practices as the school drama teacher, I will see a positive impact in the community.

A Day Off (sort of)

Today I got to call in a sub to attend the annual Shakespeare Workshop to help begin to prepare DPS teachers for the 2013 Shakespeare Festival in April. This entails a 9-2:30 commitment, with a lovely lunch and breakfast, a two hour, hands-on drama lesson with the Denver Center for Performing Arts, and the company of other equally as engaged with Shakespeare teachers from across the district. I also added in an extra hour and a half of sleep, a long shower, a trip to the coffee shop to catch up on grad school work, and a definite commitment to going to yoga tonight. This was a DREAM compared to the ten hour days I've been putting in the last few weeks, with 7am meetings, rehearsals and waiting for parents at school until 5pm, calling multiple middle school students' parents regarding bad behavior, kindengarteners starting fights and peeling gum off my classroom floor and walls, driving to school in the dark, driving home in traffic in the dark.. ugh, this time of year it seems like the list of my complaints is endless. Thinking about making today a bit more about me, and not as much about my 100+ students of the moment and my drama club overall felt refreshing. Although it scares me to admit, what if I am already after 3 1/2 years realizing I am not cut out for this career in teaching? Unfortunately, the statistics are not in my favor. It is proven that teachers start to leave their jobs after 4 years due to burn out. Under appreciation, over working, and not enough pay leads to once inspired classroom leaders to want to find something more fulfilling for the pocket book and for the soul. Not that I don't get a lot out of what I am doing. Lately, more and more I see that I "get it" I do know how to teach my content and I know how to catch the kids that think they aren't into drama. I know how to solve classroom management problem issues, I know how to set up good classroom structures, and communicate directions with energy and positivity. And there are days (some days) that I end a class or go home feeling confident that I made a difference, and I can chalk it up as a "good day." However, I am beaten down, easily irritable, easily upset and prone to negativity by this time of the year. My emotions take a toll from being cut off most of the day with my students, and co-workers that when I have an outlet, I take it. And I am discouraged about how much longer I can neglect the needs I have personally. When have I put in enough time in the classroom when I can walk away without any guilt or regret? Is this a selfish idea to want to give myself a little more grace and care throughout the week? Am I doing enough to take care of myself right now, am I just hitting a hormonal point that is causing all of this to come out? Am I not being challenged enough in the ways I want to be challenge? Maybe I won't know all the answers to these questions until I take a break from teaching and see how it feels to not call a classroom my own for a year. Or maybe I owe it to myself and my students to stick it out and give them my best for a few more good years before I have to balance my own children with a career. All I know is I am tired. I am not sleeping because my brain keeps me awake with lists, solutions, problems, ideas, and possible catastrophes. How do teachers teach for 10+ years? That makes me even more tired thinking about it.

NIght before Election 2012

I remember that November day in 2008, there was a different atmosphere every where I went. Maybe it was because I was living and existing within the liberal and academic confines of a university, but I remember that victorious and liberating sense that hung about Minneapolis like it like it was yesterday. My class mates and I had worked hard in sorting out our own thoughts and responsibilities in voting in our first presidential election. Mine was made up of a few experiences, such as losing my job at an independent business due to the economic downturn, participating or observing worker's strikes on campus, participating in political performances and many lucid conversations with friends in college and friends from studying overseas. Being a campaign volunteer, and a Chicago-bred girl also helped the victor's cause as I was a bleeding heart Obama fan, ready to cast my vote for change. Flash forward four years later to my 25-year old self, to my classroom in Denver within an urban public school district. Now I am a current graduate student with 3 1/2 years teaching under my belt, working hard to close the racial and socioeconomic achievement gap, dutifully paying my taxes, using my health care plan as an independent, exercising my specific rights as a female, and doing my share to contribute to the American society. And may I add that the things I have experienced just in the last four years have transformed me into someone completely different than who I was four years ago when I cast my first vote. I have been exposed to the difficulties the economy has presented to low to middle class families. I have witnessed the difficulties that complicated immigration policies present. I have seen injustice within the American school system and I have been a part of the after effects from NCLB. This has made me wary and worried about the status of Americans, primarily with equity and accessibility for all citizens to a good, healthy and happy life. With all this being said, I still do have a lot yet to experience. More things to come that will shed even more light on the government and its connections to me. However I feel refreshed to take a step back and realize how much more affected and more informed I am this round, and confident about how I am casting my vote and how it will impact my future. On the night before the 2008 presidential election, I sat down and wrote about communication, and human interactions. Perhaps mostly because I was performing my first big civic duty of participating in democracy, to have my voice heard and my vote counted. Perhaps also I was heavily engaged in theater-based classes and soaking in new information like a greedy sponge every day. But in my reflections that night, I also charged my community with an important task that I myself in the last four years have failed to fulfill, so I am not about to blame our president for falling short on any of his promises. My much more insightful and empathetic self actually said, "No matter where you are, there is no harm in speaking with people about their world-view. Being as informed as you possibly can only makes you more confused, but it can also only offer an exchange to inform the less informed. Speaking with people, body to body, face to face and creating a chain of real story-telling I think is the most conducive way to START change, somewhere in the world at least. Build space for mutual respect and share your own history." Yikes, Caroline. Then how come you haven't been engaging with others about this election? Yes of course, engaging with friends who share the same views. Definitely engaging with my students, from the ages of five to fifteen, about who would THEY vote for and why, and asking them why I should vote for who I will vote for. Engaging with my parents and close family who I already knew agreed with me in the first place. Engaging with my boyfriend in a few challenging conversations, who tends to reject politics because of the devisiveness it causes within his family. But have I been trying to "informed the less informed?" I wouldn't put 4th graders into the less informed category, necessarily because they cannot vote. Back the train up, have I made myself as informed as I can possibly be? I wish I could do better. I wish I took time to speak with others who have different perspectives than I do, to understand their stories more thoroughly, and to challenge my own thinking. I teach my students to think that way, why can't I practice it myself? The public has been quick to size up Obama's '08 promises to the results he has presented since he was elected. But before we are so quick to consider his failures, perhaps we should check on our own. When resolutions or promises have you failed to maintain over the past four years? Over the past year, six months, week? How often do you hold yourself accountable to living the values that you hold so important in a leader of our country? Do you challenge your own thinking by engaging with others, or by taking opportunities to teach when you think there is a teaching moment to be had? Nobody is perfect, and nobody should pretend to be. But I do think that everyone deserves multiple chances to check in with themselves and hold themselves responsible for their own actions. Lucky for me, I spend my day chock-full of teachable moments and have many of them! But I have decided I am not going to waste any more of those opportunities. I am not going to pass up chances to listen, to consider or to engage (and that includes seven year olds to seventy year olds). My older, more reserved self, is going to take the advice of a strapping 21-year-old hopeful that landed herself in Colorado to take this voting opportunity to engage, to teach, to learn, to listen, and to live my values.

3 years of teaching, check!

One more week of my 3rd year of teaching! Compared to my first two, this one has definitely given me more satisfaction, more enjoyment and more personal growth I think than I had in my first two. Being in a new school, in a new position, new living situation, new friends and family in Colorado, I really think I have clarified a lot of things that were fuzzy before and I know that being a teacher is what I am supposed to be doing. It is excited to see this a bit more clearly and to be able to plan for the next few years to work harder on being the best drama teacher that I can be. This weekend I did a day and a half training for being licensed to teach yoga to kids. I decided to do it in spite of a parent letter I got from one of my students addressing the yoga stretches I teach my kids in drama. They had asked me to not involve their child in any yoga activities whatsoever and so this sparked my curiosity about what it actually DOES mean to teach yoga. I went through a training at a local yoga organization here in Denver, and I am excited to see where this new knowledge takes me. I have a lot of ideas about adding different activities and concepts to my curriculum, and even adding an after school yoga club at my school. The summer is filled with a few visits from family and friends, a trip to St. Louis, a trip to California, and possibly a trip to Chicago. I will also be teaching drama at the Museo de las Americas and preparing to start my graduate program in the fall. Crazy how fast 3 years have gone by, especially this last year. I am grateful for all of the changes that have presented themselves and allowed me to grow and learn and allow Denver to be a bigger and bigger part of who I am and the direction I am taking my career and life!

Everything is falling into place

Lots to update!

- Getting closer to the Shakespeare Festival! First we have a Spring Arts Night to perform our scenes at, so the kIds have been working hard on memorizing their lines and blocking, and I have been running all over the city collecting costume pieces and making sure everything is prepared for the Arts Night. I am proud of the kids and I think they will do great.

- Found out this week that I am accepted to begin at the University of Northern Colorado in the Fall of 2012 in their Master's program in Theater Education! Very exciting news, feeling like I am FINALLY making bigger strides towards learning and growing in my profession, and I cannot wait to get started.

-Got a little summer gig teaching theater at the Museo de las Americas Summer Camp! I volunteered at this camp 2 years ago when there were about 24 kids, and they told me that this year there will be about 90 some kids between kindergarten age and 6th grade! Very excited for the opportunity and to stay a bit busy this summer staying sharp on my teaching skills.

- Brought K home to Chicago for the first time, showed him around the city and he met the family. Very proud of him for getting accepted into school and making a positive splash with my family and friends. He is such a great part of my life right now and it was wonderful to bring him back there and show him that part of me.

- Also just looking forward to an already pretty busy summer of visitors and vacations and working and relaxing. Spring time is the busiest time of the year it seems like, and so the summer arriving and being a bit longer, will be very rewarding. : )


With a bunch of negativity around me this week, my clarifying and SWEATY yoga session tonight motivated me to sit down and hammer out the summer and the rest of the spring, and also gave me some space in my head to reflect on all the POSITIVE things that have happened and that are happening. I am proud of the progress I have made this year and I am excited about all of the possibilites of things that are to come!

"It's not WHO you are, it's THAT you are."

Mini successes in the life of a drama teacher

It's about that time in the year when stress is high, people are tense, kids are a bit stir crazy from being inside all the time, teachers are plagued by the time constraints and pressures of standardized testing... I thought I'd take inventory NOW on the mini success I have experienced recently despite the crazy climate!

*New surge of motivation and inspiration - applied for MA in Theater Education at the University of Northern Colorado, to begin next fall. Set long term career goal to develop and design a Neighborhood Bridges- like program here in Denver! more to come...

* 6 Flip Cams were donated to my classroom through generous donations made through donorschoose.org. My 8th graders this rotation are awesomely inspiring and made some amazing commercials http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKuFHh6PX8U&list=LLpD9qlY-c5E2HC9hjcsNSpA&feature=mh_lolz.
This has begun my creation of a new unit all about FILM MAKING! These kids are super technological and have such creative ideas.. Stay tuned to more video projects done by my middle schoolers...

*Shakespeare Club is in full swing, and I have adapted 3 scenes from Twelfth Night for about 10 3rd-8th graders to perform in the DPS Shakespeare Festival in May. It has been a bit of an undertaking, but I have to admit that when I hear children speaking Shakespeare, it gives me the chills! I can't wait to teach them more about this story, these characters, and expose them to the curiosity they may find studying this work!

* Stepped up for some more leadership responsibilities at my school, got some compliments that were well needed, and going back to my old school to see old students today and watch my new students play them in basketball.


While things are often discouraging, and the politics of teaching in a public school can sometimes blind us from the work we are doing, I have to continuously take a look at these things that I AM doing and enjoy my students that I have right now. This is what I've been wanting to do all along!

Happy New Year

One week into the new year and one week away from turning 25, feels like a good time to check in!

The holidays were a blur of work, holiday activities, directing and presenting my first student play, (!!!) some time in IL and OH with family and friends, time in the mountains skiing, and back to school again. This time of year seems to fly by, but I feel like I did a decent job of soaking in the time to relax, not get too stressed or frenzied, and enjoy time off with people that I care about.

The play was successful! Didn't think it would go as well as it did, while not perfect, the girls demonstrated to me that at the last minute they could perform! And I am quite proud of the time and energy we put into it. Today was the first day of Shakespeare rehearsals/auditions, and despite anxiety last night about working with some of the other adults or having nightmarish kids show up, it was actually SUPER uplifting and exciting to hear students saying lines like, "if music be the food of love, then play on!"

Even though after sleepless weekends of fun and skiing I really dread getting out of bed and driving 40 minutes to Green Valley Ranch, there are certainly aspects of my job that I am really really loving, especially compared to the last 2 years. I still really miss the companionship of friends from RBN and the comfort there was there of visiting and venting to other friends, BUT I think that I am beginning to develop a foundation at FPW for the kids.

Bring on 25! Still thinking about values to dedicate this time to.. but while I think about that I do have some goals:

-Run the Bolder Boulder 10K in May
-Get Kevin to Grayslake/Chicago
-Get accepted to grad school at UNC