I love living out here, my friends, all the things I am learning about teaching, living independently, meeting new people and trying new things. I truly truly do.

And I am grateful for my job, my apartment, my car, my food, all the things and people I have that support me in what I am doing out here.

But I think I know why this is hard.

Teaching seems to be natural to me. However, teaching in this environment, in these conditions with these types of students is not easy. And things not being seamless and easy is not something that I am used to. I have been used to working hard and getting instant gratification and pay off. Routines of easy and satisfying work and comments and feedback. I had challenges in high school and college, but not of this size.

I am getting pulled in so many directions- to my licensure program and classes, to TFA, to my middle school, to my individual departments, to my friends here, at home and in Minnesota, to my family to myself, to my students. I have to worry about balancing all of these things on top of taking good care of myself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I am struggling to persist in making healthy and good choices for me as well as for my students without sacrificing my happiness in that pursuit.

Living alone makes these challenges even more evident.

BUT I CAN DO THIS.

I have so many people in my life and reasons to keep pushing through every day. My students need me, my community needs me, I NEED ME to get through it and to do it to the best of my capabilities. I am thankful for the education I had. Now it is my responsibility to make my students feel thankful for their middle school education.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

Sick day

Welp, the swine flu hit Noel Middle School. And since I haven't felt too well in the last week, I decided to take tomorrow to get better and get organized.

The students have benchmark exams which they hate- and so they were acting up today once again. The second day of the week is tough for them.. But I have gotten SO much valuable advice from wonderful people at my school and not at my school. I have a plan and I have been affirmed that I DO know what I am doing, that I am doing well I just need to be more consistent and firm with them. I have good relationships with them now which is something you can't fake, and I am myself in the classroom. But my class is too large and it takes way too long to get back on track.

So I am taking tomorrow to catch up on sleep and vitamin C and get some of my Unit Plan as well as TILA work done. A few people have given me the advice that I need to just NOT do anything related to school but I think I really need to be away from it for a day to appreciate it and get the work done NOW so I can be caught up and not doing SO much work every night when I get home.

Peace and no more swine flu-

C

Trust/Forgiveness

Today was crazy/awful/learning experience.

My 8th grade students don't have awareness of their behavior outside my room, and I realized that their respect for me dwells some where between how they respect their friend, and how they respect the "retarded class" teacher. All of this created a very rowdy and unruly group as we went down the hall to get pictures taken for picture day. It was embarassing- parent volunteers not even able to keep them quiet and lined up, other teachers stopping them in the hall and speaking with them. They could not keep it together.

I had to leave my class for about 3 minutes to collect a student who had been in trouble with another teacher. When I came back to my class of 17 8th graders after having their picture taken and needing to change back to their uniforms, not wanting to change back, etc... my room was absolutely destroyed. Papers, desks, chairs, pencils, every where. After I cleaned up my room, I noticed some things missing from my desk- just little supplies and CDs and things.. however, the principle was that someone had taken things from my desk. Things belonging to me.

Not only does this disrespect me and my classroom but it shuts down the hope that I could leave my classroom door open, that I could leave things unlocked and available. No longer do I trust my students, and it makes me sad because I started off assuming all good intentions of every single one of them, and now because I don't know exactly who it was, all of them have to suffer my room shutting down.

I want to hope that once again I will have trust in them. We have to cross some hurdles together though. First, we cannot have a stigma on my class as the retarded class, or me as the retarded class teacher. The students in my class scored low on the CSAP and that is why the principal placed them in my class. I am teacher who helps, encourages AND disciplines as well, and all of that needs to be fully understood. Second, respect HAS to be established in the class and out of it. If any other day is like today, I will probably fly off the handle. Lastly, trust. 8th graders should know how to keep their things to themselves and leave other people's things alone. I don't know how to express this any more directly. I want to be a friend, a supporter, but I am deeply disappointed and unsure of when/how they can prove that they are trustworthy.

EXHALE.. That is my practice speech sort of, for tomorrow morning. It has been a long day of talking to a handful of wonderful friends, teachers in my school including my principal, family members and other students. All of whom make me feel like I can do this, that I can establish trust and respect in my class. No one could have prepared me for these weekly "come to jesus" discussions I have to have with my 8th graders. I don't want my teaching and their learning to suffer any more. And that is the bottom line. In order to succeed academically, things have to change.

Thank you to my own supporters, helping me to become a better supporter. I couldn't do any of this on my own.

Cannot wait until Friday. Then hopefully 2 weeks after that a mental health trip back home..

Peace and RESPECT.

C

I am surviving!

Teaching is exhausting!

I have put in many many hours before and after school planning, meeting, assessing, grading, disciplining, counseling, and I am only just finishing up my second week!

I love it, I am just a little overwhelmed at this point. I assessed all my students this week, so I know where they need to go academically, now it is just up to me to come up with good, comprehensive, interesting lesson plans for all of them. Lesson plans that are differentiated enough for all the levels of learners in my class to be successful and to be learning something. We have somewhat of a routine down for each class, I am still figuring out who needs to sit where to get along with who, etc. Discipline is not my best attribute, but I am trying to be harder now than later. There were already a few scuffles this week that I had to work out, but I think things can only get better...

On top of teaching and lesson planning, I have had TFA and TILA classes this week. This is my teaching license class and professional development through TFA. Having these in the evenings makes for LONG days... but, since it is just beginning, I am getting into a good routine where I feel good. Some musts are: yoga, going to bed by 11 every night and making one phone call to a friend or family member a day. Hopefully this weekend I can do some socializing, something fun instead of just school work...

Thanks for all the love and support in these first few days.. .I'm doing well. :)

C

Here's a sneak peek of my classroom... still need more student work up..

Exhausted. whew.

First weekend of the school year and I am wiped out! I spent my Saturday cleaning my apartment and trying to get my life a little more organized before the school year kicks off into a whirlwind.

The first three days were great! I love my students, and I think they like me- they may think I am crazy because I made them move the desks and move around the room on the first day, but I was excited to start off by using "ice breaker" theatre activities to get to know each other. I have the same 17 8th graders 1st and 5th period, then I help them in their math class, and then 8th and 9th period I have about 20 6th graders in each of those classes. They are spectacular, excited to be at school and I am excited to teach them and get to know them better.

Middle school students are so funny in the things they talk about and care about. And there is a HUGE difference between 6th graders and graders, socially, developmentally, etc. Unfortunately some of my 6th graders are at higher reading levels then my 8th graders. . . I gave spelling and fluency tests to all of them on Friday and just looking over them I can see that there is a lot of work to do.

Teaching is going to be challenging in a lot of ways. In top of lesson planning, making copies, etc for class every day, there are tons of meetings, IEP meetings, meetings with other teachers, planning, etc. On top of even that, I have my graduate class every Thursday evening, homework for that class, TFA obligations, and trying to keep together a social life. I went to the Rockies game last night with Jeff and Mike who were visiting and another friend from high school. There were TFA people out too, and we went out to the bars last night. Today I have been just exhausted so tomorrow I have grand plans to sit at the laundromat all day and get papers graded and myself super organized for the week ahead.

That's it! Stay tuned.......

C

Finally the big day!

After all the weeks of prep, tomorrow I get 6th graders! (I think!)

It has been an intense week, but I have settled into Rachel B. Noel Middle School, sort of found my way around and also met a lot of the staff at the school. So far, so good. I am very busy and have a lot on my plate between teaching 4 sections of literacy for 6th and 8th graders, and then going into 2 sections of math to support as an inclusion teacher. Many of the other teachers have been very helpful and given me posters and supplies for my classroom. I will take and post pictures tomorrow- today I was at school until the principal left! So I have been putting a lot of time in, but I want to be prepared! And even though I don't feel quite ready, I think seeing the students and getting them into the school, things will all feel mush more natural and exciting. . .

Otherwise, I have been having some fun and doing other things. I started my licensure program last weekend- it is called TILA and I will go every Thursday night and one Saturday a month. It seems like it won't be too difficult and pretty comprehensive, helpful towards my teaching and working in a school. I've also attended many trainings for the the district and school. Otherwise, last weekend some girls and I found some fun bars near my apartment, and then on Saturday I went out to Breckenridge to the Eriksson family's condo out there. We went on a big hike on Sunday and then enjoyed the hot tub they have at their complex and it was just the escape I needed for the day.. Jeff and Mike are coming back on Friday to go to the Rockies game and go out in Denver. It's so nice to see friends from home!

Wish me something- here goes to teaching!!!

Peace-

C

Almost there update!

In the last few weeks I've been in and out of trainings and meetings. This week is my first official, paid week. I have sped trainings and I will be going to my school every day. Things are going well, I think? I haven't really gotten too much information yet about exactly what my day/schedule is going to look like, but I have met some people, seen my classroom and gotten myself somewhat organized. That's about all on the teaching front!

Otherwise, I have been enjoying Denver on a cheap budget. We got cheap seats for the Cubs/Rockies game this past Saturday and Sunday and had a lot of fun at Coors Field. Also I have been to Red Rocks to see the film on the rocks- the first week was Indiana Jones and the second week was Ghostbusters (ironically enough because they say that Red Rocks is haunted!) I am enjoying living out here so far, but I think I will be much happier once I get into a normal routine of going to work, coming home, repeat. I had a fun breakfast party for some friends at my apartment last week and also went hiking again last weekend at Golden Gate Canyon park. I also joined a yoga studio close to my apartment, and I am really enjoying going to classes as much as I can to relax and stay in shape. I am loving the teacher friends I have out here and I am looking forward to having some visitors come this fall.

I started a new blog that has more things that I am interested in, pictures, links, teaching things, it is a bit easier to use and upload things onto- so if you are interested here is my tumblr link. Feel free to check it out, I may update that more than this one because this one requires more typing and time! (which I am going to run out of here shortly.. ) Enjoy!

http://sweeetcaroline16.tumblr.com/

Peace-

C