Thinking a lot about soccer, and what is can do/has done/is doing. Reflecting after a few interesting days...
One of the amazing, new TFA teachers at my school who also teaches 8th grade language arts, organized a Holocaust survivor to speak to our kids as a closing to our unit on the Holocaust novels we have been reading. The kids were very excited about it and really behaved and participated quite well. Andre Mark had been in 4 concentration camps, and volunteered to play soccer against the Nazis on a team organized in Auschwitz. Because he was playing soccer so much against them, they got more food than the other inmates and therefore, believed that he survived because of playing soccer. He even brought his old cleats to show the kids, and I was super proud of some of the girls on my team who came up to the stage to ask him what position he played or was he scared ever when he was playing.
Today we had an away game, and while we were on the wayyyy west end of the city, there were gun shots in the neighborhood my school is in, so the baseball team who was playing at our school, had to cancel the game and everyone had to go into the school for a lockdown. By the time we returned, the police had cleared and everything was seemingly okay, but I drove several girls home and had some text me to tell me they got home safe. I feel like somehow, by our game being away, at least I knew my girls were all with me and safe. Even though we lost, we played in the snow! and had a lot of fun together on the ride there and back.
One of the girls on the team also found out today that her mom has breast cancer, 6 tumors and is going to have to start going through chemotherapy. Her sister is in 6th grade and helps me with the equipment, and they are the cutest, nicest, most positive young ladies I've ever come across. So mature and poised and BRAVE. Both of them came today and helped out and had super attitudes. I don't even know what to do for CM and KM, but I feel like somehow, soccer is saving them... At least giving them an escape from the larger than life responsibilities they have to face when they go home (to their house which is right in the neighborhood where there were gunshots today).
I am so glad I decided to coach, I think that it has brought me a joy in connecting with students and the excitement of competition that I haven't experienced in a long time. Somehow, soccer is saving me. Maybe from going crazy at the end of this year, maybe from not hating all the things about my school, maybe from giving up on the school. But somehow, it is saving me.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Happy to report that I think channeling courage to do things that I am afraid of, has started to pay off. In the last week, lots of gifts have revealed themselves to me. I heard back from a few of the schools in Denver I had applied to jobs at, and after a few observations and a stellar interview, I was offered a full-time drama teacher position at a K-8 school in Denver. Teaching theater! Full time! For real! I am so grateful that this school was impressed by what I had to say and what my plans are, and I am so excited to commit to staying at teaching drama here, to see what I can do when given (sort of) my dream opportunity. I know it won’t be perfect, but I know I am not going to take for granted this job, like sometimes I do this one. No more special education obligations that I have to worry about, no more ‘survival mode’ in a failing school, only preparation and excitement about being the drama teacher at Florida Pitt Waller Elementary School! :)
Soccer update: After seeing about 80 girls come out for the soccer try-outs, myself and the other coach cut down our team to 24, awesome 8th and 7th graders. Cutting was tough, but we got it down to girls who have good attitudes and want to show us what they have. We had 2 practices, and a fear of our first game getting snowed out (yes, snowed) but the weather came through, it’s been lots of lovely sunny days, and we won our first game on Friday 4-0! Not only does that ROCK so that we have lots of confidence and fire for all of our other games, but it makes me feel proud that I could choose a team and coach the team to the win!
In other news, like I said, it’s been super sunny and warm here. That fact has steered me away from skiing, just knowing that it’s probably slushy out there, and really not wanting to miss out on the first signs of spring. Looking forward to a week off in Puerto Rico for some relaxation and exploration of some where I’ve never been. Looking forward to visiting home, for tuning up my bike, upcoming kickball games and concerts. Things are generally good.
Left wondering where else do I need to infuse some courage, or where do I need to pull back a little? Does it require courage to go against what your natural inclinations may be? (I think yes!) Being brave to back off or brave to understand that some things may be worth a little bit more of a wait. Perhaps I will focus on that now, backing off and concerning myself only with the things that I can only control.
Peace and happy springtime.
Soccer update: After seeing about 80 girls come out for the soccer try-outs, myself and the other coach cut down our team to 24, awesome 8th and 7th graders. Cutting was tough, but we got it down to girls who have good attitudes and want to show us what they have. We had 2 practices, and a fear of our first game getting snowed out (yes, snowed) but the weather came through, it’s been lots of lovely sunny days, and we won our first game on Friday 4-0! Not only does that ROCK so that we have lots of confidence and fire for all of our other games, but it makes me feel proud that I could choose a team and coach the team to the win!
In other news, like I said, it’s been super sunny and warm here. That fact has steered me away from skiing, just knowing that it’s probably slushy out there, and really not wanting to miss out on the first signs of spring. Looking forward to a week off in Puerto Rico for some relaxation and exploration of some where I’ve never been. Looking forward to visiting home, for tuning up my bike, upcoming kickball games and concerts. Things are generally good.
Left wondering where else do I need to infuse some courage, or where do I need to pull back a little? Does it require courage to go against what your natural inclinations may be? (I think yes!) Being brave to back off or brave to understand that some things may be worth a little bit more of a wait. Perhaps I will focus on that now, backing off and concerning myself only with the things that I can only control.
Peace and happy springtime.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
midway March?
Already this week halfway through?
-Students completed the CSAPs! Some with lots of focus and attention, others with less. I am proud of my testing group for having perfect attendance. I made sure to let the AP and Principal know that fact. :)
-Began girl's soccer try-outs last week and don't have a team yet because we had about 80 girls total come out for try-outs! If my popularity was up before this, it is about to go down when we cut down to 20. The good thing is the after school program has decided to form their own soccer program too, so the girls who don't make our team can do that. I am excited, and really like coaching so far.
- Ran the 5K last weekend in 33 minutes, not too shabby! Trying to keep up the running so I can do more races this spring, but it's been hard this week with lots of meetings and now soccer practice every day. But I want to keep it up.
-2 of my favorite students got in a pretty extreme verbal argument this week that got me pretty down. They are best friends and one is just much more insecure than the other one. I tried to mediate a bit the day of, gave them the night to sleep on it, I slept on it, thought a lot about it.. Baked brownies for them for the next day, and it warmed my heart up so much to see B shake D's hand the next morning in my class. :) I would never want to repeat middle school and all the confusing, extreme emotions that it evokes.
- My best friend came to visit this weekend and made me SO happy. We played a little big of hookey on Friday and visited Red Rocks and Coors Brewery then yesterday spent all day downtown Denver for St. Patrick's Day celebrations. So good to see her, so good to check in with someone who knows me outside of this existence here... goodness all around.
Things for the spring are looking good if this weather and these activities are just a preview - just need to find a job and start carving out the summer/ next year. I am itching to travel, but time and money may be too much of an issue to consider that.
My fears? Not finding a job that I want that is going to keep me here, being alone, other bigger picture things are what are currently forcing me to channel courage. I am pretty comfortable at work right now, while it's stressful I am grateful for the people and kids that really help me enjoy being a teacher. I just hope that the skills and lessons I've picked up so far will lead me towards my next stone on this journey. I really think that embracing this whole thing as a journey has forced me to use a lot of courage lately, to let go of viewing myself as fleeting from here once again, moving on to a different stage. While I am looking to move on, it's in a more local direction. I think I need more courage to infuse myself with more self-confidence and resilience to heartbreak. Embracing the independence I know so well but being open and giving with the love I do have to give.
So grateful for the spring springing up around us here in Denver. Grateful for my best friend, my new friends, my old friends and my family. Grateful for new ideas and new, healthy living habits. Grateful for the present moment.
-Students completed the CSAPs! Some with lots of focus and attention, others with less. I am proud of my testing group for having perfect attendance. I made sure to let the AP and Principal know that fact. :)
-Began girl's soccer try-outs last week and don't have a team yet because we had about 80 girls total come out for try-outs! If my popularity was up before this, it is about to go down when we cut down to 20. The good thing is the after school program has decided to form their own soccer program too, so the girls who don't make our team can do that. I am excited, and really like coaching so far.
- Ran the 5K last weekend in 33 minutes, not too shabby! Trying to keep up the running so I can do more races this spring, but it's been hard this week with lots of meetings and now soccer practice every day. But I want to keep it up.
-2 of my favorite students got in a pretty extreme verbal argument this week that got me pretty down. They are best friends and one is just much more insecure than the other one. I tried to mediate a bit the day of, gave them the night to sleep on it, I slept on it, thought a lot about it.. Baked brownies for them for the next day, and it warmed my heart up so much to see B shake D's hand the next morning in my class. :) I would never want to repeat middle school and all the confusing, extreme emotions that it evokes.
- My best friend came to visit this weekend and made me SO happy. We played a little big of hookey on Friday and visited Red Rocks and Coors Brewery then yesterday spent all day downtown Denver for St. Patrick's Day celebrations. So good to see her, so good to check in with someone who knows me outside of this existence here... goodness all around.
Things for the spring are looking good if this weather and these activities are just a preview - just need to find a job and start carving out the summer/ next year. I am itching to travel, but time and money may be too much of an issue to consider that.
My fears? Not finding a job that I want that is going to keep me here, being alone, other bigger picture things are what are currently forcing me to channel courage. I am pretty comfortable at work right now, while it's stressful I am grateful for the people and kids that really help me enjoy being a teacher. I just hope that the skills and lessons I've picked up so far will lead me towards my next stone on this journey. I really think that embracing this whole thing as a journey has forced me to use a lot of courage lately, to let go of viewing myself as fleeting from here once again, moving on to a different stage. While I am looking to move on, it's in a more local direction. I think I need more courage to infuse myself with more self-confidence and resilience to heartbreak. Embracing the independence I know so well but being open and giving with the love I do have to give.
So grateful for the spring springing up around us here in Denver. Grateful for my best friend, my new friends, my old friends and my family. Grateful for new ideas and new, healthy living habits. Grateful for the present moment.
Monday, February 28, 2011
March's in like a LION! COURAGE!
March: Courage
Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one/ strength in the face of pain or grief.
Back in January I thought that courage made the most sense for March, because hopefully by this time I'd have integrity and respect down cold and I could then focus on having the courage to take this thing to the next level. . . (oh yes, there's another level to get to). But now that tomorrow is March, I think maybe just focusing on courage alone might be the best thing to do. And could even possibly bring more clarity and ease to the other intentions I've set in motion.
First I want to focus on being courageous for my students in overcoming their testing anxieties this week and next. I feel a lot better this year over last year about the preparedness of my students, mostly because I had foresight this year as to what they were going to be faced with for the CSAP. Now it's just a matter of keeping them calm and empowered the 6 days they have to test. Tomorrow I'm bringing them fruit, tea and some decaf coffee to brighten them up to give them energy and hopefully the COURAGE to do their best at something they have all historically been told that they constantly fail at.
Other courageous acts of March : doing things I've never done before...
- starting with running my first race on Sunday, 5k for International Women's Day.
- co-coaching the girl's soccer team at school, try-outs next week!
- traveling to Puerto Rico at the end of the month.
- any other suggestions?
Thinking about some of the most courageous things I have done so far - getting on a plane, having never been to Denver and starting a new life here!, getting on a plane not knowing anyone or anything about going to London, going to Italy, going to New Mexico, getting dropped off in Minneapolis, starting off all these journeys away from home. Maybe the courageous thing to do this time around is to stay, or to consider the challenges that may present themselves if I don't get on a plane or in a car and leave something behind. Maybe the courage is going to need to be summoned this time around in making a decision that I wasn't comfortable with before. Or making a decision that I hadn't set my mind to before.
Or maybe, I shouldn't decide what I am going to have to find courage for and just let this unfold and watch the courage manifest itself in new forms that may surprise me. Really, this whole commitment takes courage but perhaps I will find smaller scale moments that take more courage than I could have assumed.
- signing off and singing "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons
Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one/ strength in the face of pain or grief.
Back in January I thought that courage made the most sense for March, because hopefully by this time I'd have integrity and respect down cold and I could then focus on having the courage to take this thing to the next level. . . (oh yes, there's another level to get to). But now that tomorrow is March, I think maybe just focusing on courage alone might be the best thing to do. And could even possibly bring more clarity and ease to the other intentions I've set in motion.
First I want to focus on being courageous for my students in overcoming their testing anxieties this week and next. I feel a lot better this year over last year about the preparedness of my students, mostly because I had foresight this year as to what they were going to be faced with for the CSAP. Now it's just a matter of keeping them calm and empowered the 6 days they have to test. Tomorrow I'm bringing them fruit, tea and some decaf coffee to brighten them up to give them energy and hopefully the COURAGE to do their best at something they have all historically been told that they constantly fail at.
Other courageous acts of March : doing things I've never done before...
- starting with running my first race on Sunday, 5k for International Women's Day.
- co-coaching the girl's soccer team at school, try-outs next week!
- traveling to Puerto Rico at the end of the month.
- any other suggestions?
Thinking about some of the most courageous things I have done so far - getting on a plane, having never been to Denver and starting a new life here!, getting on a plane not knowing anyone or anything about going to London, going to Italy, going to New Mexico, getting dropped off in Minneapolis, starting off all these journeys away from home. Maybe the courageous thing to do this time around is to stay, or to consider the challenges that may present themselves if I don't get on a plane or in a car and leave something behind. Maybe the courage is going to need to be summoned this time around in making a decision that I wasn't comfortable with before. Or making a decision that I hadn't set my mind to before.
Or maybe, I shouldn't decide what I am going to have to find courage for and just let this unfold and watch the courage manifest itself in new forms that may surprise me. Really, this whole commitment takes courage but perhaps I will find smaller scale moments that take more courage than I could have assumed.
- signing off and singing "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons
Sunday, February 27, 2011
reflection on respect
As February draws to a close, I wanted try another church today and try to traditionalize for myself trying a new church or place of worship at the end of each month. This was not possible for me this morning however due to a 3 car accident I had on Friday which has thrown a wrench in my plans in more ways than one. So instead of sitting in church this morning, I am sitting in my favorite local coffee shop (walking distance from my house) enjoying some freshly brewed and a breakfast plate. After skiing my personal most yesterday, I am feeling a little sort and a lot hungry and am feeling reflective on my intention of respect this month.
A lot of things have happened this month:
- went to 2 really fun concerts
- some hardcore ski days
- trip to Las Vegas for the weekend
- found out about graduate school decisions
- interviewed with DSST
- car accident
- beginning soccer coaching
Overall, I think I have done a decent job maintaining respect.
My work out regiment has improved greatly, I have sort of adopted the idea that I will absolutely have a good day if I work out. That one thing will make one part of the day productive and respectful for me. So I am happy to report I have only taken off and average of 2 days a week from the gym, and on the off days I am skiing or doing something active.
Also, regarding the news about grad school, while I needed one day to be grumpy about it, I've only let it be that one day. I have been proactive and respectful towards myself in pursuing other options, applying to several more teaching jobs for next year and really vying on a position at the new performing arts school coming into our building at Noel. It's been a challenge really immersing myself into CSAP and getting my students super invested while I've been preoccupied with job stuff, but I know that it will get easier and I have full confidence that something will work out.
Really proud of the way I reacted with the car accident day, was extremely patient, respectful and understanding throughout the whole ordeal. Sucks that it happened and it will cost me but I'm safe and so was everyone else and that is all that matters. I have good friends who have helped me out a bunch and I feel lucky and grateful for insurance and helpful people in the automotive business.
Still can improve on lots! Having patience with my students and sometimes co-workers. Remembering that they are kids and that this is a stressful time for everyone. Testing is really a strain for everyone in the building, there is a lot of pressure but hopefully my calmness can reflect onto them. Can improve on trusting my instincts and having confidence in making these decisions. Having more confidence in getting what I want and allowing things to work out based on my self-trust and intuition.
Will see what comes next, although it wasn't expected the new developments are exciting and I'm open to all that lies ahead.
A lot of things have happened this month:
- went to 2 really fun concerts
- some hardcore ski days
- trip to Las Vegas for the weekend
- found out about graduate school decisions
- interviewed with DSST
- car accident
- beginning soccer coaching
Overall, I think I have done a decent job maintaining respect.
My work out regiment has improved greatly, I have sort of adopted the idea that I will absolutely have a good day if I work out. That one thing will make one part of the day productive and respectful for me. So I am happy to report I have only taken off and average of 2 days a week from the gym, and on the off days I am skiing or doing something active.
Also, regarding the news about grad school, while I needed one day to be grumpy about it, I've only let it be that one day. I have been proactive and respectful towards myself in pursuing other options, applying to several more teaching jobs for next year and really vying on a position at the new performing arts school coming into our building at Noel. It's been a challenge really immersing myself into CSAP and getting my students super invested while I've been preoccupied with job stuff, but I know that it will get easier and I have full confidence that something will work out.
Really proud of the way I reacted with the car accident day, was extremely patient, respectful and understanding throughout the whole ordeal. Sucks that it happened and it will cost me but I'm safe and so was everyone else and that is all that matters. I have good friends who have helped me out a bunch and I feel lucky and grateful for insurance and helpful people in the automotive business.
Still can improve on lots! Having patience with my students and sometimes co-workers. Remembering that they are kids and that this is a stressful time for everyone. Testing is really a strain for everyone in the building, there is a lot of pressure but hopefully my calmness can reflect onto them. Can improve on trusting my instincts and having confidence in making these decisions. Having more confidence in getting what I want and allowing things to work out based on my self-trust and intuition.
Will see what comes next, although it wasn't expected the new developments are exciting and I'm open to all that lies ahead.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
So a lot has changed in the last week.
Now I am sort of starting from square one again. At first, admittedly kicking and screaming. I took a day to be sad.
And now I am taking the rest of my days to be glad for the chance to explore a little more.
I've applied to some teaching positions in Denver, already have an interview for one tomorrow. I've began an application to an MA program in Boulder, still waiting on NYC and taking that into serious consideration if it comes through. I am so fortunate, I have my position at my school next year if nothing else works out. This begins another series of application rounds, waiting, and decision making to happen.
In the mean time I'll continue to soul search, decide what might be best for me at this point... Starting to run and have a 5K coming up in 2 short weeks. My best friend is coming to visit in 3 weeks and my students take the CSAP in a few days! Even when this big bombs drop and interrupt everything, life has to go on and we have to continue.
Won't let this paralyze me again.
Now I am sort of starting from square one again. At first, admittedly kicking and screaming. I took a day to be sad.
And now I am taking the rest of my days to be glad for the chance to explore a little more.
I've applied to some teaching positions in Denver, already have an interview for one tomorrow. I've began an application to an MA program in Boulder, still waiting on NYC and taking that into serious consideration if it comes through. I am so fortunate, I have my position at my school next year if nothing else works out. This begins another series of application rounds, waiting, and decision making to happen.
In the mean time I'll continue to soul search, decide what might be best for me at this point... Starting to run and have a 5K coming up in 2 short weeks. My best friend is coming to visit in 3 weeks and my students take the CSAP in a few days! Even when this big bombs drop and interrupt everything, life has to go on and we have to continue.
Won't let this paralyze me again.
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