Funny, at the end of this month of integrity I found myself this morning at Corona Presbyterian Church. After some thought and conversation about faith, I thought I’d return to the first faith I’ve ever known. The service I attended was called the contemporary service, in a humble small church in the Capitol Hill neighborhood. I actually pass this church every day on my way to work, and so this morning as I pulled open the heavy door from the busy street outside, I was quite pleased with the welcoming warmth I found inside this place.

The experience was symbolic, in a word. There were moments throughout the service that I really recognized community, I saw love, I felt uplifting and some kind of connection. I saw it in the people that greeted me, asked me my name and told me I had a beautiful name, that there were others there for the first time, so I was in good company. There were also moments in which I felt really distracted, a bit uncomfortable and restless. Contemporary technological elements in church in general are strange to me, and the ‘praise band’ idea, (withe people raising their arms and swaying during the song) also puts me off, guess I’m a church traditionalist?

Anyhow, I think the biggest ah-ha moment I had while listening to the sermon about Jesus’ baptism, was about Christianity in general. It’s really not that hard to access, it’s basically just one history lesson. And if you subscribe to the message that these people in history are teaching, then you’ll find it easier to live a life for a sublime ending. You just have to believe it, own it, and carry it with you always. If you accept that everything that happens to you is a part of a plan to guide you some where greater, then you can be a Christian.

The symbolism therein lies in connecting my experience today and the questions I have remaining about my faith (and indirectly my integrity to that faith.) That sometimes, in life, we’ll see love, community and feel connection. I feel this with my family and my good friends. I feel connection when I am having a good day with my students, community with my co-workers whom I adore, and absolutely uplifted when I marvel at my natural surroundings in the middle of the mountains, (which I am so lucky to frequently enjoy.)
But this is also to be reminded that there are always going to be moments of distraction, uncomfortable and restless. Distracted and restless because of the pace of life and the instantaneous expectations we have today. Uncomfortable because of the unknown circumstances we find ourselves in. Distracted by negativity and laziness, distracted by what we THINK is hard when we don’t accept the present for what it is. Uncomfortable when we are thrown a curveball and we don’t trust that all we need to persevere is within us. But all we HAVE to do is make a choice, CHOOSE something to help you accept this balance that you have to maintain. Live by that balance, and know that there’s never any reason to feel hopeless.

I think more than anything else this month of setting my intention on integrity, I’ve see that one, simple truth. Whether it’s God or Jesus or the Rocky Mountains or Buddha or Barack Obama, whatever messages are being sent to us through struggles and successes, we have to trust that all we need is inside us. I’ve worked really hard this month to strengthen relationships with the people I live with, the people that I interact with on a daily basis. I have found that it is totally worth the energy I have within me to make sure I am treating all with love. No matter how down I can get about the status of whatever it may be, I can return to that trust or faith that I WILL persevere.