March: Courage
Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one/ strength in the face of pain or grief.
Back in January I thought that courage made the most sense for March, because hopefully by this time I'd have integrity and respect down cold and I could then focus on having the courage to take this thing to the next level. . . (oh yes, there's another level to get to). But now that tomorrow is March, I think maybe just focusing on courage alone might be the best thing to do. And could even possibly bring more clarity and ease to the other intentions I've set in motion.
First I want to focus on being courageous for my students in overcoming their testing anxieties this week and next. I feel a lot better this year over last year about the preparedness of my students, mostly because I had foresight this year as to what they were going to be faced with for the CSAP. Now it's just a matter of keeping them calm and empowered the 6 days they have to test. Tomorrow I'm bringing them fruit, tea and some decaf coffee to brighten them up to give them energy and hopefully the COURAGE to do their best at something they have all historically been told that they constantly fail at.
Other courageous acts of March : doing things I've never done before...
- starting with running my first race on Sunday, 5k for International Women's Day.
- co-coaching the girl's soccer team at school, try-outs next week!
- traveling to Puerto Rico at the end of the month.
- any other suggestions?
Thinking about some of the most courageous things I have done so far - getting on a plane, having never been to Denver and starting a new life here!, getting on a plane not knowing anyone or anything about going to London, going to Italy, going to New Mexico, getting dropped off in Minneapolis, starting off all these journeys away from home. Maybe the courageous thing to do this time around is to stay, or to consider the challenges that may present themselves if I don't get on a plane or in a car and leave something behind. Maybe the courage is going to need to be summoned this time around in making a decision that I wasn't comfortable with before. Or making a decision that I hadn't set my mind to before.
Or maybe, I shouldn't decide what I am going to have to find courage for and just let this unfold and watch the courage manifest itself in new forms that may surprise me. Really, this whole commitment takes courage but perhaps I will find smaller scale moments that take more courage than I could have assumed.
- signing off and singing "Little Lion Man" by Mumford & Sons
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
reflection on respect
As February draws to a close, I wanted try another church today and try to traditionalize for myself trying a new church or place of worship at the end of each month. This was not possible for me this morning however due to a 3 car accident I had on Friday which has thrown a wrench in my plans in more ways than one. So instead of sitting in church this morning, I am sitting in my favorite local coffee shop (walking distance from my house) enjoying some freshly brewed and a breakfast plate. After skiing my personal most yesterday, I am feeling a little sort and a lot hungry and am feeling reflective on my intention of respect this month.
A lot of things have happened this month:
- went to 2 really fun concerts
- some hardcore ski days
- trip to Las Vegas for the weekend
- found out about graduate school decisions
- interviewed with DSST
- car accident
- beginning soccer coaching
Overall, I think I have done a decent job maintaining respect.
My work out regiment has improved greatly, I have sort of adopted the idea that I will absolutely have a good day if I work out. That one thing will make one part of the day productive and respectful for me. So I am happy to report I have only taken off and average of 2 days a week from the gym, and on the off days I am skiing or doing something active.
Also, regarding the news about grad school, while I needed one day to be grumpy about it, I've only let it be that one day. I have been proactive and respectful towards myself in pursuing other options, applying to several more teaching jobs for next year and really vying on a position at the new performing arts school coming into our building at Noel. It's been a challenge really immersing myself into CSAP and getting my students super invested while I've been preoccupied with job stuff, but I know that it will get easier and I have full confidence that something will work out.
Really proud of the way I reacted with the car accident day, was extremely patient, respectful and understanding throughout the whole ordeal. Sucks that it happened and it will cost me but I'm safe and so was everyone else and that is all that matters. I have good friends who have helped me out a bunch and I feel lucky and grateful for insurance and helpful people in the automotive business.
Still can improve on lots! Having patience with my students and sometimes co-workers. Remembering that they are kids and that this is a stressful time for everyone. Testing is really a strain for everyone in the building, there is a lot of pressure but hopefully my calmness can reflect onto them. Can improve on trusting my instincts and having confidence in making these decisions. Having more confidence in getting what I want and allowing things to work out based on my self-trust and intuition.
Will see what comes next, although it wasn't expected the new developments are exciting and I'm open to all that lies ahead.
A lot of things have happened this month:
- went to 2 really fun concerts
- some hardcore ski days
- trip to Las Vegas for the weekend
- found out about graduate school decisions
- interviewed with DSST
- car accident
- beginning soccer coaching
Overall, I think I have done a decent job maintaining respect.
My work out regiment has improved greatly, I have sort of adopted the idea that I will absolutely have a good day if I work out. That one thing will make one part of the day productive and respectful for me. So I am happy to report I have only taken off and average of 2 days a week from the gym, and on the off days I am skiing or doing something active.
Also, regarding the news about grad school, while I needed one day to be grumpy about it, I've only let it be that one day. I have been proactive and respectful towards myself in pursuing other options, applying to several more teaching jobs for next year and really vying on a position at the new performing arts school coming into our building at Noel. It's been a challenge really immersing myself into CSAP and getting my students super invested while I've been preoccupied with job stuff, but I know that it will get easier and I have full confidence that something will work out.
Really proud of the way I reacted with the car accident day, was extremely patient, respectful and understanding throughout the whole ordeal. Sucks that it happened and it will cost me but I'm safe and so was everyone else and that is all that matters. I have good friends who have helped me out a bunch and I feel lucky and grateful for insurance and helpful people in the automotive business.
Still can improve on lots! Having patience with my students and sometimes co-workers. Remembering that they are kids and that this is a stressful time for everyone. Testing is really a strain for everyone in the building, there is a lot of pressure but hopefully my calmness can reflect onto them. Can improve on trusting my instincts and having confidence in making these decisions. Having more confidence in getting what I want and allowing things to work out based on my self-trust and intuition.
Will see what comes next, although it wasn't expected the new developments are exciting and I'm open to all that lies ahead.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
So a lot has changed in the last week.
Now I am sort of starting from square one again. At first, admittedly kicking and screaming. I took a day to be sad.
And now I am taking the rest of my days to be glad for the chance to explore a little more.
I've applied to some teaching positions in Denver, already have an interview for one tomorrow. I've began an application to an MA program in Boulder, still waiting on NYC and taking that into serious consideration if it comes through. I am so fortunate, I have my position at my school next year if nothing else works out. This begins another series of application rounds, waiting, and decision making to happen.
In the mean time I'll continue to soul search, decide what might be best for me at this point... Starting to run and have a 5K coming up in 2 short weeks. My best friend is coming to visit in 3 weeks and my students take the CSAP in a few days! Even when this big bombs drop and interrupt everything, life has to go on and we have to continue.
Won't let this paralyze me again.
Now I am sort of starting from square one again. At first, admittedly kicking and screaming. I took a day to be sad.
And now I am taking the rest of my days to be glad for the chance to explore a little more.
I've applied to some teaching positions in Denver, already have an interview for one tomorrow. I've began an application to an MA program in Boulder, still waiting on NYC and taking that into serious consideration if it comes through. I am so fortunate, I have my position at my school next year if nothing else works out. This begins another series of application rounds, waiting, and decision making to happen.
In the mean time I'll continue to soul search, decide what might be best for me at this point... Starting to run and have a 5K coming up in 2 short weeks. My best friend is coming to visit in 3 weeks and my students take the CSAP in a few days! Even when this big bombs drop and interrupt everything, life has to go on and we have to continue.
Won't let this paralyze me again.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
So I have to say that February has gotten off to a bit of a rocky start.
This week was interrupted on Tuesday by a “snow day,” and I quote that because really there was no new snow, it was just below zero outside. While the day off from work was nice and pretty relaxing, it sort of punched a hole in the productivity of the week. The following day was equally as cold, and our district called school on, while all the surrounding districts called schools off. This resulted in very very low attendance at my school by teachers and students, and was really a wash of a day. Presently, the whole school is preparing for the CSAP (the big standardized test in CO) and at the same time I have just started a unit on the Holocaust with my 8th graders, and a unit themed around art for my 7th graders. Suffice it say, considering my passion for art history and those two subjects separately, I am finally SUPER passionate about lesson planning and what I am presenting to my kids. It’s a bit of conflict between giving them awesome, enriching lessons that go along with these themes, or cutting all of that out and just prepping them for the big test at the beginning of March. I think my solution has been to balance these two things out, to not deprive them of learning about these subjects, but also giving them sufficient practice on test-taking and the types of things they will see. I am excited to have people from Museo de las Americas (the Latin American art museum where I volunteered this summer) come into school on Wednesday to do a project on Mayan and Aztec art with my students. Should be really fun for them!
Other than that, the school is just unraveling. The administration is taking inventory on who is planning on staying and who is going so that they can project their numbers for next year as the phasing out of RBN begins. There is little attention given to serious discipline issues happening, lots of fights and disrespect from students to teachers. There is a lot of blame being placed on us teachers that the discipline issues are due to our lack of engaging instruction happening in the classroom. All of this bundles up into being a pretty stressful place to be every day, when there are no rules for the students but tons of rules and pressure put on teachers. I had to officially resign also, in order to ensure that their numbers would be accurate. While I checked the box that I wouldn’t return, in the moment I felt no regret or remorse, just glad to allow it to be a final decision. But now I am super anxious, hearing back from one of the schools I applied to yesterday that I was not accepted. I am now doubting myself and afraid if my plan doesn’t work out. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I don’t feel particularly saddened by not getting to accepted to this school (they chose 4 out of 100) so I know I just need to push on. It’s just a bit of an uneasy place to exist when you aren’t sure where you’ll be or what you’ll be doing in a few short months. Most of my friends and co-workers are in the same place, so I shouldn’t feel alone in this, I just would love some kind of comfort in knowing something or having a tad more confidence in myself that I’ll get into a school.
All of this taken into account, I am proud of myself to persevering. I’ve had moments of weakness, for sure and I am not particularly proud of how I have treated my students, my friends, room mates and my family this past week. But I have respected me, been patient with myself and have worked hard on lesson planning, I have taken up running, got up to 2 miles the other day! And trying to be healthy in all other capacities. I guess if I wished this were all easier, I wouldn’t learn anything along the way. I have to remind myself that all the challenges happen to teach me something and show me what I have within me to persevere.
I think this month’s biggest challenge will be to not take out my frustration in the form of disrespecting those around me and who love me. I need to continue to practice patience in all areas of my life and know that everything happens for a reason.
This week was interrupted on Tuesday by a “snow day,” and I quote that because really there was no new snow, it was just below zero outside. While the day off from work was nice and pretty relaxing, it sort of punched a hole in the productivity of the week. The following day was equally as cold, and our district called school on, while all the surrounding districts called schools off. This resulted in very very low attendance at my school by teachers and students, and was really a wash of a day. Presently, the whole school is preparing for the CSAP (the big standardized test in CO) and at the same time I have just started a unit on the Holocaust with my 8th graders, and a unit themed around art for my 7th graders. Suffice it say, considering my passion for art history and those two subjects separately, I am finally SUPER passionate about lesson planning and what I am presenting to my kids. It’s a bit of conflict between giving them awesome, enriching lessons that go along with these themes, or cutting all of that out and just prepping them for the big test at the beginning of March. I think my solution has been to balance these two things out, to not deprive them of learning about these subjects, but also giving them sufficient practice on test-taking and the types of things they will see. I am excited to have people from Museo de las Americas (the Latin American art museum where I volunteered this summer) come into school on Wednesday to do a project on Mayan and Aztec art with my students. Should be really fun for them!
Other than that, the school is just unraveling. The administration is taking inventory on who is planning on staying and who is going so that they can project their numbers for next year as the phasing out of RBN begins. There is little attention given to serious discipline issues happening, lots of fights and disrespect from students to teachers. There is a lot of blame being placed on us teachers that the discipline issues are due to our lack of engaging instruction happening in the classroom. All of this bundles up into being a pretty stressful place to be every day, when there are no rules for the students but tons of rules and pressure put on teachers. I had to officially resign also, in order to ensure that their numbers would be accurate. While I checked the box that I wouldn’t return, in the moment I felt no regret or remorse, just glad to allow it to be a final decision. But now I am super anxious, hearing back from one of the schools I applied to yesterday that I was not accepted. I am now doubting myself and afraid if my plan doesn’t work out. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I don’t feel particularly saddened by not getting to accepted to this school (they chose 4 out of 100) so I know I just need to push on. It’s just a bit of an uneasy place to exist when you aren’t sure where you’ll be or what you’ll be doing in a few short months. Most of my friends and co-workers are in the same place, so I shouldn’t feel alone in this, I just would love some kind of comfort in knowing something or having a tad more confidence in myself that I’ll get into a school.
All of this taken into account, I am proud of myself to persevering. I’ve had moments of weakness, for sure and I am not particularly proud of how I have treated my students, my friends, room mates and my family this past week. But I have respected me, been patient with myself and have worked hard on lesson planning, I have taken up running, got up to 2 miles the other day! And trying to be healthy in all other capacities. I guess if I wished this were all easier, I wouldn’t learn anything along the way. I have to remind myself that all the challenges happen to teach me something and show me what I have within me to persevere.
I think this month’s biggest challenge will be to not take out my frustration in the form of disrespecting those around me and who love me. I need to continue to practice patience in all areas of my life and know that everything happens for a reason.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
February brings 2 new intentions to set for a short, 28 days. The first will be respect. Respect is defined as
a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
I will practice respect this month by respecting myself, my loved ones and my students.
For me: respecting my own choices and being consistent within those choices. Respecting my body and my health. Taking notice of my talents and my gifts. Showing myself adoration by doing good things for me once in a while and recognizing my abilities and strengths.
For my friends: Affirming the wonderful things that they do and that they are. Giving them admiration by being an exceptional listener, and doing the extent of my giving through listening and creating a safe and comfortable environment for them to be listened to within.
For my students: Respecting them as individuals and the accomplishments and achievements they have had this year so far. Giving them my admiration and respect for overcoming challenges and engaging in adolescence to the best ability that they have. Respecting them also by having high expectations of them and giving them challenging ideas to stir their curiosity.
My second intention is to increase the amount of patience that I practice. Patience is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
I will practice patience as I wait to hear back from grad schools, I will practice patience as I wait to see my loved ones, friends and family that are far away from me. I will practice patience within my physical exercising and fitness goals. I will practice patience as I continue my journey to find my spiritual connection. I will practice patience and acceptance of not being in a romantic relationship, and put faith into a stronger sense of patience will help me see more clearly when I am blinded by my own demons and struggles. I will practice patience within my job, as the year grows more stressful and difficult in many ways. I will practice patience in this new approach to life, and accept that it will take time for these things to come naturally and comfortability, or that those are inevitable and it’s best to be patient and be present.
These are my stakes into my ground for this month.
a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
I will practice respect this month by respecting myself, my loved ones and my students.
For me: respecting my own choices and being consistent within those choices. Respecting my body and my health. Taking notice of my talents and my gifts. Showing myself adoration by doing good things for me once in a while and recognizing my abilities and strengths.
For my friends: Affirming the wonderful things that they do and that they are. Giving them admiration by being an exceptional listener, and doing the extent of my giving through listening and creating a safe and comfortable environment for them to be listened to within.
For my students: Respecting them as individuals and the accomplishments and achievements they have had this year so far. Giving them my admiration and respect for overcoming challenges and engaging in adolescence to the best ability that they have. Respecting them also by having high expectations of them and giving them challenging ideas to stir their curiosity.
My second intention is to increase the amount of patience that I practice. Patience is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
I will practice patience as I wait to hear back from grad schools, I will practice patience as I wait to see my loved ones, friends and family that are far away from me. I will practice patience within my physical exercising and fitness goals. I will practice patience as I continue my journey to find my spiritual connection. I will practice patience and acceptance of not being in a romantic relationship, and put faith into a stronger sense of patience will help me see more clearly when I am blinded by my own demons and struggles. I will practice patience within my job, as the year grows more stressful and difficult in many ways. I will practice patience in this new approach to life, and accept that it will take time for these things to come naturally and comfortability, or that those are inevitable and it’s best to be patient and be present.
These are my stakes into my ground for this month.
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