Practice what you preach!

Just a few thoughts before I forget them.

In the midst of things as crazy as ever, I am left wondering what else has to happen to further establish the ugly truth that educational systems, especially for the more disadvantaged, are highly, highly flawed. After a week of teachers being non-renewed at our school, to teachers not showing up for a sustained time, to countless student fights, outbursts, threats, bullying, emotional break downs of teachers and students, and the most disheartening of all, the lack of instructional time with our students, I have continued to work as hard as I can to do MY best and to maintain a positive outlook. However, I am not sure what else could happen for me to be even more shocked or repelled from working in public schools.

It seems like this year, I have seen it all, and while I have seen some people working on making real improvements, I think a lot of people are missing the point or are displacing the blame on other things. I think it all boils down to community; and not just one community. It has to do with several communities, coming together to see problems and see solutions to make change. I can't believe the racism, the sexism, the classism, the neglect to address BIG, and IMPORTANT issues that exist in my school. There are so many dysfunctional relationships and systems, and when all of these things collide nothing gets solved. Bitterness, hate, ego and pride all build a wall against cultivating a school community. There is such similarity in the community that my students live in and the culture that has been created at my school, and it is clearly a culture of violence and hate.

My solution is simple. Reach out to the community to better understand where this culture of violence stems from. Try to understand their community and make the school community transform in a way that they can understand how they can CHANGE their own neighborhood. It is SO important and SO obvious that the students need to be able to connect their own lives to the lives they lead in school during the week. When we walk around our school all day, pushing middle class values down their throats, speaking to them not in their native language, making them practice rituals that they don't understand, it is no wonder they will rebel. Respect to wanting an education and wanting to feel SAFE in a community has to start outward and move inward, it has to be fluid. It cannot sustain on its own within the walls of the school.

Do theatre! Make change by performing the problems that exist in Montbello. Act out how problems are solved with hateful words and violence. Put yourself as a person, as an actor, into that action and CHANGE it. Choose a different solution. Be kind, be peaceful. Show that with your actions. Let the community see the possibility of ACTING on change. Theater is REHEARSAL for REALITY. Make a show out of the injustices that exist in the community. I return to the passionate mission I had when I came out here, that theatre can be revolutionary, and can make change in communities that are falling a part. My school and its community are damaging each other. This extends any state standards, any district obligations, paper work, curriculum, assessment, data, any of that. These are people and it is their future. Our future.

WE are the only ones with the vision to empower people to make changes in ways they never imagined they could. I am hopeful but I know that it's going to take harder work than even I am putting in now.

Feeling like Obama/Boal/Freire at this point, I also want to remember good things such as...

KJ winning the Hope Scholarship for Most Improved in the 8th grade, and winning $500 for higher education.

BC's IEP meeting and how much he has improved this year.

DE's protectiveness, concern and interest in me and my life.

A good visit with my aunt and grandma this past weekend.

Feeling productive with work that has approaching deadlines..

Planning for a fun summer, doing work with El Museo del las Americas, a Latin American Art Museum in Denver.

Getting a long night's sleep to let this all sink in and make something meaningful out of the last few weeks of school.

C

Happy 1 year anniversary TFA!

A year ago today, I found out that I had been offered a sped placement in Denver, and look where I am now!

A year ago, I only had responsibility for myself and my theatre classes, my little house on 15th in Dinkytown and graduating with a decent GPA.

Now I am responsible for 37 middle school students with learning and emotional disabilities, not only for their education but for their paperwork, their success within the day and their future! I am responsible for myself and my own apartment, car, teaching licensure classes and district and TFA professional development. I am also responsible to other adults, teachers, administrators, parents and colleagues at my school and in my organization.

A year ago, I was entrenched in theatre for social change, performing, writing, working in Mpls/St Paul public schools and CTC, art history discussions about cultural implications and proposals for change in the world using art and critical thought.

Now I am entrenched in writing IEPs, lesson plans, literacy strategies, differentiation for different learners, doing active research in the classroom, completing a teaching portfolio, holding effective meetings, running a smooth classroom and continuously improving my practices in the classroom.

A year ago, I was surrounded by good friends, teachers, artists and family-ish close people in my life for me to depend on and talk to on a daily basis.

Now I am surrounded by 6th and 8th graders that look to me to be strong, consistent, trustworthy, all-knowing, and dependable for them on a daily basis. Talking to my support system of family and friends much more sparingly, and looking inward and in my students for a lot of answers to questions I have.

A year ago, I had no idea what was going to come next! But I embraced the uncertainty and challenge that this opportunity had to offer me. Now, I am here, and despite all the rough days and self doubt, I am doing just fine. Not failing and falling on my face, but constantly learning and putting myself up to the challenge of teaching in a high needs school to high needs kids.

A year ago, I saw a clear connection between my passion for theatre and arts integration in public schools improving literacy retention and proficiency. I had a vision for the impact I was going to make in schools if I was given my own opportunity to teach. Now, here I am, feeling like I just have to impulsively solve problems on a 'survival mode' basis. Struggling to see the time, energy, motivation, possibility of integrating theatre and art in my classroom. While doing this comes naturally, there are strains and pushes and pulls in all directions to teach a certain thing in a certain way. But I do think I have figured out what is missing and why it is missing. And I think from that, I can start to thread my own ideas into my teaching in the future and my plans for what may come next.

What's next? Maybe in a year I will know! In the mean time, only about 4 more instructional weeks with my students of this year. I am going to enjoy them and continue to embrace all the challenges that this time has to offer me.

Lots of love and gratefulness.

C

First time crying in the class room yesterday:

ADHD/SIED 6th grader was playing with a ball that we were playing a game with, and knocked over a picture that my parents had gotten from a SEDOL auction in Lake County that some special ed students had made.

This along with an SIED (specific identifiable emotional disorder) student telling me everything from my shoes didn't match that I was fat to that my hair is falling out.

Things to help make that memory go away:

The other 6th graders helping each other to clean up the mess and telling that it is okay to cry, and that is not stupid to get angry about something and cry.

D.E. telling me that he hates it when I am not there and that he doesn't learn anything in school when I am not there. Always being extremely protective of me and telling me that he won't be able to get through high school unless I am there to help him get through.

K.J writing an essay for the Hope Scholarship, which I nominated her for, and writing about how she would change immigration laws because of the struggles her family has gone through.

J.V. spending 2 hours to perfect his hurricane essay for me AND asking me every day to help him apply to high school.

B.C. telling me that me and another teacher are his role models, and that he feels safest coming into my classroom and he didn't feel safe before.

My 6th graders being hilarious and constructing beautiful thank you notes to all my donors for my literacy scripts project.

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep balance you have to keep moving."

-Einstein

spring shock

As much as I adore my students and their always comical 'words of wisdom' to me in my dating efforts, I am having a difficult time adjusting to being back at school since Spring Break.

Maybe that is because I had an amazing week, being with friends, visiting with Jessy, who came to visit me, and an extremely fun trip to Seattle and surrounding areas in Washington. Break was a whirlwind of friends, food, laughter and relaxation.

First, we celebrated Amanda's birthday and the beginning of break the first weekend of break. That Sunday, Jessy flew in and spent 3 days with me. We went hiking in Boulder, visited the brewery in Fort Collins, and did our normal 'Jessy and Caroline' thing.. On Wednesday I flew to Seattle with Joanna to visit her brother, aunt, uncle and cousins. We spent 2 nights with her brother in Everett, WA where he works at Boeing. Then we spent a night down town Seattle exploring the night life where her rambunctious cousins. The last night before Easter, we stayed at her aunt and uncle's place in Issaquah. It is a beautiful area and her family was so wonderful to me and accommodating. We had a nice Easter and sorrowfully returned to a busy busy week with lots of work, SNOW and school.

Ah, but the count down has officially begun. 7 more weeks until spring break! (and I am beginning to feel like I might just miss my little angelitos after all)

Hope spring has sprung where you are. Sending love and sunshine.

C

Donate to my project!

http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=380905&pmaId=499588&pmaHash=1205555586&utm_source=dc&utm_campaign=fdbk_dntn_msg_t&utm_medium=email&utm_content=Project#meetthedonors