My 8th grade students don't have awareness of their behavior outside my room, and I realized that their respect for me dwells some where between how they respect their friend, and how they respect the "retarded class" teacher. All of this created a very rowdy and unruly group as we went down the hall to get pictures taken for picture day. It was embarassing- parent volunteers not even able to keep them quiet and lined up, other teachers stopping them in the hall and speaking with them. They could not keep it together.
I had to leave my class for about 3 minutes to collect a student who had been in trouble with another teacher. When I came back to my class of 17 8th graders after having their picture taken and needing to change back to their uniforms, not wanting to change back, etc... my room was absolutely destroyed. Papers, desks, chairs, pencils, every where. After I cleaned up my room, I noticed some things missing from my desk- just little supplies and CDs and things.. however, the principle was that someone had taken things from my desk. Things belonging to me.
Not only does this disrespect me and my classroom but it shuts down the hope that I could leave my classroom door open, that I could leave things unlocked and available. No longer do I trust my students, and it makes me sad because I started off assuming all good intentions of every single one of them, and now because I don't know exactly who it was, all of them have to suffer my room shutting down.
I want to hope that once again I will have trust in them. We have to cross some hurdles together though. First, we cannot have a stigma on my class as the retarded class, or me as the retarded class teacher. The students in my class scored low on the CSAP and that is why the principal placed them in my class. I am teacher who helps, encourages AND disciplines as well, and all of that needs to be fully understood. Second, respect HAS to be established in the class and out of it. If any other day is like today, I will probably fly off the handle. Lastly, trust. 8th graders should know how to keep their things to themselves and leave other people's things alone. I don't know how to express this any more directly. I want to be a friend, a supporter, but I am deeply disappointed and unsure of when/how they can prove that they are trustworthy.
EXHALE.. That is my practice speech sort of, for tomorrow morning. It has been a long day of talking to a handful of wonderful friends, teachers in my school including my principal, family members and other students. All of whom make me feel like I can do this, that I can establish trust and respect in my class. No one could have prepared me for these weekly "come to jesus" discussions I have to have with my 8th graders. I don't want my teaching and their learning to suffer any more. And that is the bottom line. In order to succeed academically, things have to change.
Thank you to my own supporters, helping me to become a better supporter. I couldn't do any of this on my own.
Cannot wait until Friday. Then hopefully 2 weeks after that a mental health trip back home..
Peace and RESPECT.
C
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